If There Was No Promise of Growth, Would I Still Create?
The Discomfort Loop
I almost didn’t write today’s blog post.
Procrastination + previous commitments + “wtf am I gonna write about?” all coming up at the same time.
My mind started questioning “Is this actually aligned?” “Am I doing too much?” “Should I just focus on one thing?”
The truth is, the pesky little, yet loud, voice in my head has been doing this for a very long time. Doing its best to try to convince me that because I was hesitant to fully committing, it wasn’t for me.
In fact, one of the worst times to quit is when you feel discomfort.
If you truly want to quit something, push through the discomfort, come out on the other side where there is more clarity and then make a decision.
You usually realize the voice talking you out of the discomfort is now gone.
I understand my brain was simply doing its best to get me back to comfort and safety - that’s its job.
My brain: “Hey Shay, I sense that you’re really uncomfortable right now. What if we just blow this Substack popsicle stand so you can feel better?”
In the moment, that feels nice; it’s like a warm wave of relaxing energy saying “There is no work to do now. I do not have to expose myself and my work this week. I can chill, let this go, and see what happens for the next week.”
But after weeks - and even years - of retreating, what is there to show? It may be possible that I never even go back to the Substack. Or I do, but at the end of the year I look back to see weeks of open space and the ghosts unwritten blogs, created not by a lack of ability, by the feeling of discomfort.
There’s a difference between a creative hobby and a creative commitment.
A creative hobby happens when you take action purely through inspiration. Some days/weeks you have it; and some you don’t. A creative commitment is something you do regardless of inspiration; rather, it is created through identity and discipline.
Do you notice creatives seem to be the only ones who have this kind of freedom? Can you imagine a surgeon only basing their action purely through inspiration? “Wow! I feel completely inspired to do open heart surgery today! Who’s up?” That sounds ridiculous, get me another doctor.
I love creatives and their pure artist ways, and I do believe inspiration is important, however creatives also have a responsibility to be disciplined and have structure.
After all, it isn’t necessarily the best ideas that get to be on center stage, it’s usually the ones who have been committed the longest.
The Real Question
If there was no promise of growth, would I still create?
When I first asked myself this question, the initial answer was “No! Actually, I want to lay on my couch, eat Trader Joe’s around-the-world snacks, and watch TV!” But that same part also wants to move back in with my parents, make a little money online, and watch TV alone for the rest of my life.
That part of me is afraid of disappointment, responsibility, and growth.
I’ve always put so much pressure on my creations to give something back like money or recognition. So it’s no wonder I feel hesitant writing a weekly blog. I still don’t see the money, and still waiting on the recognition - what’s the point?
The Reframe
At the end of the day, the actual point is never something external. When the effort turns into a means to an end, there is always a chance for disappointment and nothing is guaranteed. But when the effort is a means to an end in itself - simply doing the task - then when it is complete, nothing else is needed.
It’s just you and the task.
And what usually happens anyway, is when you create a solid foundation and relationship with the task, where you no longer question if you’re going to keep your commitment, you have the internal space to receive - whether that’s money, recognition, or something else.
But that’s not your goal.
Your goal is to stick to the commitment; the only thing you can control.
The external comes as a result of you meeting your goal every time.
In what ways are you waiting for the external to inspire or push you to create an internal change? How can you practice the internal shift without a promise of the external coming to fruition?
Til next time,
Shay
Are you a creative looking for balance, structure, and commitment?
Alignment Coaching may be right for you.
