You're Overcomplicating Your Life's Purpose

For the past 11 years, I’ve been chasing a big ass dream. The dream of being a rich, famous, successful comedian and actress.

In college, I started to really get into personal development - reading books, watching videos, listening to podcasts. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, The School of Greatness by Lewis Howes, You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero.

I was already someone with drive and ambition, but intaking this much information made me want to dream bigger.

And so I did.

After graduating college with my MBA in 2014, I was no longer interested (or ever interested) in a desk job and started where many successful comedians did - improv comedy.

I fell in love with it. I got validation, laughs, and a welcoming community out of it. But I wasn’t satisfied. I needed to go bigger.

Soooo I did.

I packed my life in my car, along with one brave friend, and drove from St. Louis to Los Angeles. (I actually blogged at that time too!) Almost immediately, I enrolled in improv classes, going to as many open jams as I could, and eating, breathing, sleeping improv comedy.

With the energy of the big leap-of-faith move behind me, I declared:
“COMEDY IS MY PURPOSE!”

And I continued to go all in.

After finding some success within the community, I found mini-stardom (this means I literally just got private messages asking me to come play in someone’s improv show because I was on a house team). The special treatment and off-energy from those who made teams and those who didn’t, felt weird. So I pivoted and found another purpose.

I declared:
“RAP IS MY PURPOSE!”

Yes, I started rapping. First, just writing raps off simple suggestions like “dog,” “cheese,” “tampon.” Then I wanted to be taken more seriously - NO MORE COMEDY! - and released an album.

A year went by and the world suddenly stopped - COVID hit.

I was influenced by a couple friends to blow the Los Angeles popsicle stand and move to Atlanta. It was a go.

My music partner and I were now in different locations and I found myself getting back into comedy, but in a different way. I went to some improv jams, produced a few shows, and created a late night show for myself with a group of friends.

I was excited to declare:
”COMEDY IS MY PURPOSE AGAIN!!!”

I spent five years in Atlanta and it was time for something even more. New York City, here I come!

Unfortunately, at the time, New York City came swinging bigger than I did and I was forced (I reluctantly decided) to move home and back in with my parents.

With most of my stuff in a storage space in Manhattan, I packed up two suitcases and left everything else behind. Not just things, but friends, community, belonging. Plus, moving home meant moving to endless acres of cornfields, bad wifi, and what felt like mini road trips every time I wanted to get reacquainted with society. (Ie. No comedy clubs, bars, or ambitious gatherings in general in my nearby vicinity.)

There were perks though - I was closer to family, I didn’t have to pay rent, and I rarely had to buy groceries. I really had a lot.

But as far as purpose, I had nothing.

I was confused, depressed, and apathetic with my life and where I was going.

A year was spent at home as I untangled so many strings that had been bunched up more and more over the years.

And almost a year to the day, in divine timing and fashion, I moved back to New York. Not for comedy, but for coaching. Sharing what I’ve learned about my journey and helping others through their own.

Only now that I’ve been through the fog, I realize where I went wrong - or rather, what I did right.

See, I was a great student. I followed all the things the books, videos, and podcasts taught me.

“GO BIG OR GO HOME! FOLLOW YOUR PASSION! FIND YOUR PURPOSE!”

Well, I definitely went big. I absolutely followed the passion I had for making people laugh. And I found my purpose - which was, basically, whatever I went all in on.

But what happens when you go big, but still find yourself going home? What happens when the passion fades? And what happens when you find your purpose and tie it to a path that has the potential to change?

You feel like a failure. You feel like you’re doing something wrong for not keeping the spark alive. And you feel lost and held back when your steering wheel is guiding toward a new path, but you’re stuck because the wheels are spinning.

There’s no doubt to me we all have a purpose. But that doesn’t mean our purpose can be wrapped up in a box and shared.

I believed for the longest time that comedy, all packaged up in sketches, stand up, and late night shows, was my purpose.

But it’s not. And the reason I felt so boxed in was because my purpose didn’t have a box.

My purpose of comedy doesn’t only live when I’m on a stage, when I’m writing a script, or creating a show.

It lives in the moments I make someone laugh passing by on the sidewalk. Or when we’re crammed in a busy subway. Or a random conversation at a coffee shop.

I was so locked in on the idea of comedy being my job, that I forgot it was actually just me.

I don’t need to be booked to live my purpose. I don’t need to be given permission to live my purpose. And I don’t need to be chosen at an audition for someone to tell me I can live my purpose.

At the end of the day, our purpose isn’t something we do. It’s something we are.

We can perform as much as we want on stage or on social media, but if we aren’t LIVING it at the same time, we’re actually abandoning our purpose.

This whole idea of “FIND YOUR PURPOSE!” is silly because it makes it seem like finding your purpose, boxing it up, and giving it away is the reality of life for everyone, but it’s not.

The reality of life is being aware of what makes you feel good. And making the attempt to do that as much as possible.

I remember the times I wouldn’t be doing comedy, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Or even times I would be doing comedy, feeling misaligned. But I was stuck on the idea that I couldn’t leave comedy because it was my purpose.

And without a purpose,
what was my reason for being here?

If you give your purpose a name, you give it a box. And your purpose doesn’t come in a box. It comes from you. And you… is infinite. You is expansive. You is so much more than one thing.

So, have you been overthinking your purpose?

Til next time,
Shay

Are you a creative caught in the cycle of finding your purpose?
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