Stay Steady in Your Purpose with Kia Barnes
On this week’s Level Up! With Shay, I am proud to introduce you to Kia Barnes, comedian, activist, and an LGBTQ community leader. We talk about how at a young age Kia used comedy and humor as a defense mechanism to protect her from people knowing she was gay, the discrimination she faced in schools as a teacher, how she found herself in comedy, the importance of visibility and why she has decided to take on a leadership position in the LGBTQ community, continuing to always walk in her purpose.
I hope you enjoy our conversation and if anything that Kia says resonates with you, please share this episode on Instagram and tag me @levelupwithshay and Kia @kiacomedy.
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Timestamps
3:27: What propelled Kia Barnes into comedy from her childhood
6:02: Kia left college to get away from hate and discover herself, which turned out to be a masculine presenting lesbian, at the Walt Disney World college program
8:51: The important thing Kia kept in mind as she dealt with so much sexuality discrimination and hate
13:15: How Kia ended up in education as a teacher and what she learned
16:45: What made Kia leave education and step into the world of stand up comedy
24:40: Coming out of her shell and being her authentic self on stages in gay rooms, having to ignore the haters and unnecessary opinions, and good advice she got from Steve Harvey
30:48: Kia emphasizes the importance of visibility and why she creates shows for underrepresented people
37:07: The process of putting together country wide tours with her shows
39:39: “Was there ever a moment or a time in your life when you doubted yourself?”
42:24: How Kia is leveling up by focusing on writing again and building a team
44:42: Advice from Kia for anyone who believes in their path but keep hearing it’s not the right one and how to keep persevering
Transcription
Shay 0:00
(Intro) Hello and welcome to Level Up! With Shay. I am a comedian and lover of personal growth here to share stories on my level up journey, to bring other fascinating and inspirational people to share their story and to help you realize your potential to fulfill your biggest dreams. I am so thrilled to bring you today's guest Kia Barnes. Kia Barnes is a stand up comedian as well as an advocate for equality and diversity within the LGBTQ community. A former teacher and researcher, Kia chaired Atlanta public schools LGBTQ Task Force's Curriculum and Policy Board and she also sits on the Fulton County District Attorney's LGBTQ inclusion board. Kia also served on the city's first LGBTQ advisory board under Mayor Keisha Bottoms. Kia left the classroom in 2014 due to some discriminatory behavior amongst her peers after finding out she was gay, which we get to talk about in the podcast, but leaving the classroom allowed her to pursue a career in stand up comedy, being featured on Netflix, BET, LOL Network Pop Sugar, NBC and more. She has collaborated to cultivate queer safe spaces with numerous LGBTQ organizations and events, including the out GA Business Alliance, the Human Rights Campaign, Georgia Equality and Atlanta Pride just to name a few. She was also instrumental in producing Atlanta's first equality march in commemoration of the Pulse Orlando tragedy. Before the pandemic Kia had produced two nationally touring LGBTQ engagements, the Lez Laugh Comedy Show and the Andro Fashion Show, which she hopes to bring back in the future. And now she produces a monthly live show called Soulful Sundays, so go check that out if you are in the Atlanta area. I'm so excited for you to hear her story. I was inspired by Kia seeing her move all around Atlanta producing fantastic shows and putting less represented people in her community on stage. She is a person with a strong and purposeful voice that more people need to hear. So please welcome to Level Up! with Shay, Kia Barnes.
Shay 2:18
Welcome everybody to Level Up! with Shay. I am so excited. I have a hilarious, talented guest here Kia Barnes.
Kia Barnes 2:28
Whoa
Shay 2:29
Kia Barnes or Kia comedy. What do you go by?
Kia Barnes 2:33
It's Kia Barnes. Comedy is one of the dope things that I do and I love and enjoy. So when I'm trying to run some jokes, they might call me Kia comedy but I go by Kia Barnes.
Shay 2:44
Okay, great. I'm so fascinated because you do comedy, plus a whole bunch of other things. And sometimes I think for me, I think I've struggled a little bit with well, you have to be one thing, right? Focus on one thing, but there's different parts of us. There's a lot of parts of us that we need to express and put out into the world. So I'm excited to dig into that. And how this podcast goes, I usually start early life so I kind of want to get into that. So, I read in an article you said you had a crush on a girl in kindergarten.
Kia Barnes 3:19
Absolutely
Shay 3:19
You've always liked women.
Kia Barnes 3:22
Latoya Skains, you know who you are, girl!
Shay 3:27
Latoya, you missed out (laughs). And you did beauty pageants, ou are a ridiculous over achiever, nd you always use humor to cover it up - to cover your gayness, your queerness. And I feel like I also did that as well. l I feel like my humor at the beginning, it was made to make sure everybody was comfortable in a conversation, right? So can you talk about that a little bit, like, about the humor that you practiced as a young person. Did that, do you think propelled you into being a comedian, getting into comedy?
Kia Barnes 4:04
Well, first of all, it's important to mention that I am number seven of eight kids. So you had to be fighting for your spot. You had to do that. So everything was like, you know, it was a daily battle for attention, even if it was to make sure that they saved me a slice of bacon. So I have always been very outspoken, and comfortable around people because I grew up around a whole bunch of people. I have 36 nieces and nephews. So I found my voice at a very early age, and we were roasting. My dad is hilarious. And so I think we probably got a lot of that from him. So I've just always had a sense of humor, and I was always a tomboy. And I realized very early on that I was different. And so the humor in a way was like, me feeling out people, you know, trying to not be abrasive or be seen as like, I don't want you to think I'm flirting, let me just make you laugh. Or just, it was a way to, like, relate and engage with people. And it was like, probably like very much so a security blanket like, let me just move on in here and let them know that I may not want to wear the dresses that you wear, or talk about the boys, but I'm gonna make you laugh. And if anybody messes you, I'm gonna beat him up.
Shay 5:34
Right. Right. Yeah, that's so similar to how I felt. Cecause laughter and humor, it's a universal language. Right? So it's like, I can talk to anybody and make them laugh and get them on my side. Pretty much. So I totally relate. So moving on, you went to college, you were in a sorority? Is that right?
Kia Barnes 5:58
I am a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated. Yes.
Shay 6:02
Okay. And so a lot happened? Well, let's say it kind of happened later on, but you left college for a year. Is that right? Like you left your initial college?
Kia Barnes 6:13
I did. I left college to do the Walt Disney World College program. So I actually spent a year, I took a break from college for a year, and went down to Orlando. And that, first of all, it's a very LGBTQ, friendly environment. And I really went down there and found myself. I cut all my hair off. You know, I started dressing like, Pat. You remember Pat, from what was that, MAD TV? Yeah, I became very androgynous. That was the best androgynous I could do. I had a lot of khaki pleated pants with a little polo buttoned down. I eventually got into ball caps and I had found myself. So yeah, I went to college, I was in a sorority, and a lot of that sorority experience was what made me want a change of scenery. Because in college, that was the first time I was really experimenting with women and getting comfortable in myself. And that was not the time to join an organization that told you literally what colors to wear, and what we're supposed to say and how we're supposed to dance. And again, I wasn't interested in what they were interested in. So as much as I love the organization, it wasn't a safe space for me as a lesbian. They found out I was gay, like people started writing letters and stuff. And aside from that, I had also chartered our chapter of the NAACP at the school, but there was no NAACP before I touched down on that campus. I found all the advisors and the sponsorship and everything that it took to charter this organization. And then once they found out I was gay, even that was an issue. And they wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for me.
Shay 7:58
Wow.
Kia Barnes 7:58
So definitely like I was trying to dig in, but I got the chance to leave, went to Disney really found myself and like dove, flipped, cart wheeled, somersaulted out of the closet. And pretty much the rest is history. I ended up like somewhat coming out to my parents eventually. Yeah, if you call it coming out, because it was more so like, oh, yeah, we gonna keep walking like we don't have to say it.
Shay 8:27
Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like hush hush type of thing.
Kia Barnes 8:30
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Shay 8:31
And so during that time of really being a victim of all of this hate, like, what did you keep in mind? What was something that kind of kept you going, kept you fighting for who you were, you know, surrounding yourself by a community? Like, how did you really push through that?
Kia Barnes 8:52
Mmmm...I knew I was right.
Shay 8:54
Mmm. Yeah.
Kia Barnes 8:54
And I knew I was great. And I knew there was nothing that anybody could say or do to me to prove otherwise, because I did get into the sorority, I was able to charter this organization. I was on the Student Government Association and even when we talk about going into my career as an educator, because I majored in education and ended up teaching for seven years, even with a lot of the same pushback, mostly because of my sexuality and because of how I present it was 'Well, you can't tell me that my test scores aren't better than yours. You can't you can't tell me that my students aren't outperforming yours'. So really like, I- man, I just watched that Kanye documentary last night and he is still a very terrible person, but I definitely understand the drive because he knew what he knew. And I know and I've always known what I know that like I just kind of walk in purpose. I know- like I follow my compass. So it didn't matter because nobody's walking my walk. Like nobody can tell me anything because I know what's In my head. Even when I was growing up in church, like, I had so many questions like, so help me understand this because if you can't help me understand this, and what I know, I know, I know, nobody hurt me, nobody touched me, I'm not dating women because I can't find a man, you know. I know what you all are saying is not true. And you cannot tell me that my mind is lying to me. So really, just like, I've just always been a very confident and centered person in knowing that, like, I don't have a bad spirit, I'm not trying to hurt anybody, or take anything away from anybody. And also, in all these things that I've been doing, whether it was with the NAACP, or the sorority, or the Student Government Association, or specifically teaching, I've always been working to uplift others. And if I know that's what I'm doing, and it's not like some narcissistic, this is just about me, and I a pat on the back then nobody can tell me anything.
Shay 10:54
Yeah, yeah. I got chills multiple times, as you were saying all that. I mean, that's just amazing that you just kind of knew. Like, did you have someone around you that, you know, also walked that way, walked in their purpose that you kind of looked up to? Or, you know, did you have a relationship with God? Or, you know, and that knowing with God, or I don't know if you're religious or not, but was there somebody that you kind of looked at that you saw that?
Kia Barnes 11:23
Again, there were so many of us that it was very competitive. My older sisters were doing everything. They did the pageants, they did the sororities, they were the athletes. And so I immediately had them as well as my mother, who, as a doctor in education, and she's a principal so she like climbed up to the top of that ladder. And my father as well, he's a Vietnam vet, who had half his leg blown off and still went on to do, to have eight kids and build multiple homes. And you know, my grandmother is 94 and she still wakes up and works on her garden every day, she can outwork me. So just, I have always seen people working hard and pouring into others and pouring into their communities. And those types of people are always going to get the hate and pushback from the people who aren't doing the same. Even if those people just don't understand we're trying to help you, or we're out working you so it's not just like, these things are handed to me. Um, so I just grew up around it. And I never saw anything any other way. I never saw anything any other way. Like I can't even grasp laziness. I can't grasp being a follower, because I didn't see that. And the people that I do see being that way, they weren't working towards anything that I wanted. So like, it's really just family. I come from a very close knit family. We do group chat every day, all eight of us and my parents, like my 94 year old grandma, we just tap in. Everybody might not log on, but like just very centered in our family, no matter where we are. All of my siblings are like, they all work in their own fields, many of them in different states, we're all the same. We all have the same mentality. We're all like, grinding it out and just like achieving the unimaginable for real.
Shay 13:15
Yeah. Wow, that's special. So moving into your education, not your education, but you moving into education, being a teacher.
Kia Barnes 13:24
Yeah.
Shay 13:25
So what called you- my mom also has a doctorate in education. And was a principal, like, I have a lot of educators in my family. So what called you into that?
Kia Barnes 13:37
Were you an educator too?
Shay 13:39
No (laughs)
Kia Barnes 13:40
No? you escaped. You already knew what it was.
Shay 13:42
At first, like, when I was younger, I was like, let me help you grade the tests, you know, of your students, and I would help and I'm like, Yeah, I want to be a teacher. This was fun. But then I found out how much money they made. And I'm like, I don't want that.
Kia Barnes 14:00
And you probably found a booger on the test because they put boogers on the tests. And that homework, they're like, 'You gone to see this booger, bitch.'
Shay 14:08
Yeah (laughs)
Kia Barnes 14:09
How did I end up in education? Well, my mother was a counselor when I was a child. And, you know, counselors eventually became everything but counselors. They handled all of the testing and they really were each school's human resources department. So I spent a lot of times in schools with my mother when I was growing up and watched her work her way up from teacher to counselor to assistant principal to principal and we lived a nice lifestyle. So I didn't, I didn't realize what the money would look like if I just stayed in the classroom. And I just always had a passion for helping people and like I'm a good communicator, and I understand how to like take people on a journey and engage people and I like to write and I'm a natural at it. So it was just something that really came very naturally to me. Out of all my mother's kids, I was the only one who became a teacher. I have another sister who's a teacher now, but I was the only one that started off that way because I just wanted to be impactful. Like I grew up a little privileged, I thought, until I saw what real rich looks like, because damn. (laughs)
Shay 15:16
(laughs)
Kia Barnes 15:17
These Atlanta kids are little millionaires for real! But I grew up privileged, and in Alabama and so I grew up living under the racism and stereotypes that people have about black people, but I didn't see anybody like that around me. So I really wanted to understand and be able to, like, help and make a difference. So when I did start teaching, like, I wasn't one of the teachers who, like my first teaching job was at one of the best schools, but I felt like well if all the best teachers go to the best schools and the best communities then who's going to help everybody else. So I was very intentional about choosing the worst schools and like, really, like understanding my people, I want to understand more so than anything, and I want to be able to help. So like, I kinda like found a lot of my like, that type of like cultural blackness even. And I learned just as much from them as they did from me probably. But it was very intentional. Like, I want to go out and see and learn and understand and engage with and understand why do people have these stereotypes? And maybe even what is it that this comes from?
Shay 16:30
Yeah, I love it how you know, kids do teach. Like, kids teach us so much. And I think sometimes we underappreciate that, whether it's kids, teenagers, parents and kids, like parents can learn from their kids.
Kia Barnes 16:44
Mhm
Shay 16:45
Yeah. So 5, 6, 7 years into teaching, you were fired.
Kia Barnes 16:51
I wasn't specifically fired. So I spent like the first five years as an educator in Alabama, and then I moved to Atlanta and began teaching in Clayton County. And then I got the opportunity to teach at an all boys school in Fulton County. So that first year, again, awesome test scores, all these teacher awards, I was the department head for the English department, I'm writing curriculum for the school, you know, like, I'm not just blending in, I'm bossed up and a leader. And so I got married and it was time for insurance open enrollment and I asked the person who was signing us up if I could add my partner to my insurance. And they said, well, we don't cover that, because at the time, same sex marriage wasn't legal across the country. So he said, we're not sure we cover that but I'll ask your employer, and I asked them not to, and they did anyway. And so the next day, I got an email. And after that, it was just a lot of discrimination. I went from getting all these awards, and being the department head and getting excellent evaluations to getting horrible evaluations, still producing the same types of test scores. And so the harassment got to the point, I'm getting calls to the principal's office, and they're just trumping up things so much to the point where I decided to choose my peace and step away. There were threats, and just, it became too much so I left because of that discrimination. They did not fire me, I chose to leave. And also at that time, my career as an entertainer had begun to take off. So I chose my peace and happiness. And I still, at the time, I would still substitute teach a little bit so I still got to engage with the kids because I do enjoy them. I enjoy learning from them, as well as sharing with them and helping them understand that sometimes all they need is just somebody to meet them where they are, to help them get engaged, right? But yeah, so I left education to walk into entertainment. Almost nine years ago, Atlanta changed my life, because I was roasting those kids so well, that one of my co workers - Atlanta kids, they're different - one of my co workers came in, he's like you should consider doing stand up. And so he had a show called Laugh Your Class Off, Cornelius, George and I did that show. And I practiced my first show in front of my colleagues and getting teachers to say after work for free, amazing! It was great. I really describe it as love at first laugh and really, the rest is history. I loved it so much. And it was like therapeutic as I'm working through right back to like the childhood situation. It was therapeutic. It was this coping mechanism for what I'm going through. So I may not be able to say to the administrators or my co workers how I'm really feeling but when I get on that stage, I could hash it out in jokes. So yeah, that's really how it happened. Education made me an entertainer.
Shay 19:41
Mmm. Yeah, it's all about the journey it seems like.
Kia Barnes 19:45
Yeah.
Shay 19:45
And it's important for people to be their true authentic selves, of course, but do you think it's even more important for educators to be their true authentic selves because they are, they have kids in the classroom? I don't know, would you do anything differently looking back in education? Would you be 'out' sooner? Maybe not because of the discrimination, but just curious.
Kia Barnes 20:12
I think visibility is so important. If you grow up as a little black girl doesn't see any beautiful black dolls, and all you see as the image of beauty is blue eyes and blonde hair, like you don't feel worthy, and you don't understand that you're beautiful. If you grow up as a little queer kid in the south, and you don't see any gay people around you and all you hear is negativity. You don't see any successful gay people, then you don't know that it's a possibility. And I did not know that it was a possibility and it's so important that kids are faced with reality before they're adults. Because for me, I didn't know what I could be. I didn't know what I could do. I didn't know if I could ever be out. I always knew I was a lesbian before I knew anything about what it was, I knew I liked girls. Like I didn't know, you know, you grow up with this image of this white dress, and this picket fence and you get this husband and a bunch of kids and I knew I didn't want any of that. And so it's like, if you don't have those images, how do you know what you could possibly even be? Like I said, after I left education full time, I began substitute teaching all over Atlanta public schools, and like seeing those queer kids, those little young queer kids come up to me at the beginning, before class even started getting there early, they would slide to me and say, Hey, I know what the roll says, but this is my name and these are my pronouns. Or just seeing those kids just OUT and flamboyant, it touched my heart because I know that things are changing. Even with, one of the things that I do, so I sit on the mayor's LGBTQ advisory board, and I also sit on Atlanta public school's LGBTQ Taskforce. And a part of what we did was go in and rewrite policy just to like etch out opportunities for discrimination. And sometimes all it takes is including one word in a policy that's already written. So we protect against this discrimination and this discrimination, AND this, and it would have made the difference in me being comfortable staying in the workplace or not. So like I've literally gotten to sit down, and in the superintendents building, and rewrite this policy, specifically rewrite this policy that goes out in the handbook to the hundreds of APS teachers, 1000s of employees. And again, that's why I say, I know, I am walking in my purpose. I know I'm walking in my purpose because how could that be? That I left this profession that I dedicated over a decade of my life to because of a discrimination that I was able to write out of policy, in this same city? I know, can't nobody tell me I'm not doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.
Shay 23:10
Yeah, I love that. Thank you for sharing. It reminds me of my school. And I know the feeling I get when I can go back to my elementary school or my high school and show myself for who I am instead of who I used to be in high school. Just a closeted lesbian. And I'm not writing policy or anything, but I just know how good it feels to go back and be like, You didn't break me. Like, I'm still who I am.
Kia Barnes 23:34
Right.
Shay 23:36
So it's even next level to be writing policy to be helping the teachers and students who are there now.
Kia Barnes 23:43
Yeah.
Shay 23:43
So, that's awesome.
Kia Barnes 23:45
Yeah. And we need to see more of that, visibility is important. I can remember sitting at a parent conference with a dad who was calling his son a faggot, and saying that he sent him to the all boys school, so it would toughen him up and how he was ashamed of him and he was gonna beat it out of him. And I'm too afraid- because he was like, What is he gonna be? Do you see any of them being successful ever, anywhere? And I couldn't even say like, I'm sitting right here in front of you, first of all, and I'm educated and I'm working in my field. It's terrible. It leads to so much crazy. Blackmailing and so many unnecessary situations. It's unnecessary. Definitely, the visibility is important. And kudos to you for going to your school. Because honestly, I haven't even taken that moment. I haven't even taken that moment. I haven't even taken that moment. I need to go back.
Shay 24:40
So moving on to comedy. Were you ever afraid? So you started stand up, were you ever afraid of during your comedy talking about being a lesbian? Being out? Were you ever afraid to talk about that stuff?
Kia Barnes 24:55
Well, you touched on this a little bit when you said you just have have to be one thing and I dabble in so many different things. There were so many people who had so much advice about, 'Oh, well, you can't box yourself into that gay shit' or 'Oh, how can you be producing this when you should be focusing on that?' I got a lot of that. But again, first of all, I didn't see those people having what I knew I wanted and what I was capable of. And I can honestly say that when I've come across those people who gave me those speeches, they take it back and say, 'Hey, why don't yall ever book me for pride?' 'Hey, when you gonna book me on one of your little gay shows? Like? Yeah, I don't need anybody telling me that. It's just like saying, 'Well, what's the necessity of Black History Month?' The visibility is important. And a lot of times, people will only be receptive to some of these conversations if you put a little sugar and some jokes on it. Because they need to hear how they make us feel. They need to hear about the difficult and complex situations that we get put into just like, it's important to understand the difference in how black people respond to when we get pulled over compared to how white people might feel. You might feel rushed, we might feel terrified, like, 'Oh my god, am I going to die?' So like, yeah, I had people telling me that and I've just never questioned it because nobody can tell me what my truth is. You can't- I went to a comedy show at a local comedy club that's in the rainbow square about three weeks ago, and I saw two lesbian performers who I know to be lesbians telling jokes about s.... can I say what they were telling jokes about? Nasty... They were telling jokes about sucking dicks. I will never, I will never, I will never bow down like that. It just, it was crazy to me. Like, I don't wanna have to do that. Why would you lie? Why would I work so hard to get my voice out there then tell someone else's story? Why on earth would I be my own oppressor? I don't care what they have to say about it because I live off of this community. This is all I do. So yeah, I got it. I got the push back, but it was like, 'Okay, well, you do you and you stay on this open mic circuit and I'm gonna be booked on prides all across the country and outside of the country. So you worry about your straight little self and whatever open mic you bussin because I got places to go and things to do.'
Shay 27:25
Yeah. So basically, you just pay attention to people, you know, you listen to it, you hear the advice, but you only pay attention to really what's helpful.
Kia Barnes 27:36
Yeah.
Shay 27:36
Have you gotten helpful advice?
Kia Barnes 27:39
Helpful advice - early on in my career, I met Steve Harvey and he told me that I need to get a laugh every eight seconds. So when I'm really writing-
Shay 27:47
Wow.
Kia Barnes 27:47
Right? And it's possible. Writing is formulaic for me. And so it's possible. So I was already running a set, I had a hot little 30 minutes, and I met him and I went back and I rewrote it. And it stretched out to 45. And that's the set that I toured with for years. So Steve Harvey helped me a lot, which is funny, because I never was like a big fan but I do admire how many different things he has his hands on, you know. He's constantly working and he did help me be a better comic and instill in me a little bit more drive, because I have intentionally chosen a more difficult path by catering to a small percentage of a small percentage of the community. So like, I had to just dig in a little bit differently. So that was good advice. I had so many people trying to sell me comedy classes and all of this stuff. And it's a waste, because you see these people pay all this money and then all they do is go right back to the same places open mics. I can say that, I don't know, I haven't chosen a conventional route because I don't have a conventional career. I specialize in all things gay on purpose. I want to be comfortable. I want to be able to tell my stories, so why would I listen to them and their paths when I'm not trying to walk their paths? And also don't see their supposed paths working out for them.
Shay 29:06
Yeah, I love that because you're definitely a leader in that lesbian aspect. I don't want to say aspect but that you know, that avenue of just being all things gay like you said. You know, you're not trying to cater to everybody. You're just really catering to who you attract.
Kia Barnes 29:28
Exactly. I don't want to have to beg anybody for acceptance. But those people still come because I'm also very intentional about putting other people on. So it might be a Kia and Co Ent. event, but the stars of it are the performers I've booked, the live band that I've booked, the dancers, the models. And all of those people have families who haven't had a chance to see them living their best lives. So they come out there and see them light up on the runway or see them light up on the stage or see them light up on the mic. And it's bridging this gap because they, a lot of the people, especially the straight families and friends that come out to support those that I've booked, they've never been to a gay event before. They've never been to a lesbian bar. They've never seen an entire lesbian lineup. And so it's like bridging a gap and extending that bridge. Come and see that we're more alike than we are different. So yeah, it's doing the work. I didn't understand that it would play out this way that it has, and I'm not gonna act like, 'Oh, I had a roadmap 20 years ago, it's just been very, like, organic and being centered in my purpose and knowing I'm helping other people and can't nobody tell me shit. Unless they are on the same path and I don't know how you can be on the same path as me because I don't even know what my path is.
Shay 30:48
Yeah. I love that. And so, speaking of visibility, you do so many events around Atlanta and the country, you've traveled the country with your shows.
Kia Barnes 31:00
Everything.
Shay 31:01
Yeah, all of which have kind of been fueled by the roadblocks you've encountered. You have or had, I don't know where you're at with this but the Androgynous Fashion Show.
Kia Barnes 31:13
The Andro fashion show. That was great! I got to work with LGBTQ designers from all across the world. I had designers shipping in from Canada, from Europe, from all over, it was great. And also a great opportunity for an often overlooked community to feel beautiful, you know? And to be appreciated and celebrated, not just accepted. Because, again, masculine presenting queer women walk through life differently, then, like, cis white men or other women, or even other feminine presenting lesbians. I guarantee you that most fems haven't had a man try to shake their hands so hard that they broke it, you know? We have a very different experience. So that show was about highlighting androgyny and our fashion and our style, because I like to dress and I like fashion and style. I haven't done that show since the pandemic began. Right before the pandemic started, I had laid out an entire tour. I was taking it to college campuses and everything, and COVID had other plans. And for me, bringing together that big of a group of people during this doesn't make sense because I run with 30 models. And I absolutely don't want to, like, I didn't want to- I don't think it's feasible at this moment. Maybe as things change, yes. And I love that show. And you know, it was great for the community. But yeah, it's on pause right now. Now I'm more so into producing music and comedy shows.
Shay 32:51
Yeah!
Kia Barnes 32:51
And also from that I did an erotic show for a little while. Just really digging into like, first of all the things that I enjoy, and I'm passionate about, the shows that I want to see produced. Because for me, it's also very much so like filling voids. Well, I want to see this. So I wish somebody had put on that. So why can't I do it? I know singers. I know dancers. I know models.
Shay 33:15
Yeah. And that was, so it's Soulful Saturday. Is that right?
Kia Barnes 33:19
Mhm. Soulful Saturdays.
Shay 33:20
Yeah and you wanted to give people of color, whether queer or not just a comfortable space to perform and walk in their purpose.
Kia Barnes 33:31
My last Soulful Saturday, which was just this past Saturday, I booked a gay black male, very much so feminine presenting, on my show and I didn't tell him what the venue was. When I sent him the flyer he was terrified because he had performed at that venue before and was pretty much booed off the stage. When they saw him walk on the stage they started flashing their lights, and the man refused to play for him. So when he saw Apache on that flyer, he was terrified. And I told him I was like, 'No, I've been producing this show. It's a safe space. We're welcomed and loved.' And so I ended up giving him a ride home after this past Saturday. Saturday's show he had an amazing show. And it was just, you could tell that it was therapeutic. He LIVED on stage and the audience ate it up. And he was his big gay self and they LOVED it. And afterwards tears welled up in his eyes, he was so excited to just share that experience of how much it's changed since then, right? So yeah, and not even just black people, but I do my fan bases, a lot of queer people of color and also a lot of my talent. But yeah, I just I want to do for everybody. I want us to have a stage to perform on! Why, like, what do we have to have our talents in our apartment? We play out on the balcony or something? We deserve to be able to see and support each other and to be able to share our craft with one another.
Shay 35:02
Yeah. And I remember going to one of those shows a few months back and the talent is incredible.
Kia Barnes 35:11
Thank you.
Shay 35:11
Yeah, poetry and music, I believe is what I heard that night. And it was incredible. And I was so fascinated by how free flowing you were on the mic, just going around and talking with everybody and just as a host in general. Like, I enjoy hosting and I want to be better at hosting live shows. And so just watching you just be so comfortable on the mic and dancing and playing around and doing jokes kind of off the cuff, that was so fun to watch. And I think that makes a really good show, right, is an engaged host.
Kia Barnes 35:47
Thank you. Yeah, I felt like I had, I can acknowledge that I feel back from comedy as I got busier producing events, but the good part of that is that I got so comfortable on stage, because I'm doing damage control. I'm handling so many things. And I still have to do crowd control and be the calm face that's making it fun. So it's nothing that anybody could say to me on stage now, because I've become such a strong host, because I deal with everything - drunk folks, heartbroken singers that don't know if they go up and sing this song that they wrote about their ex who's in the crowd with her new girlfriend, you know. It definitely made me a stronger host and gave me so much material. I, up until a week ago, had not written a new set in seven years. Seven years it took me to write, to finally sit down and dig back in, because I started like, I had a strong set and I toured that and I was so busy producing. I also want to say I'm super excited to be digging so deep back into comedy, and excited to work with you and all the dope things that you're doing because I know you making boss moves as well. So I can't wait to share a stage with you, again.
Shay 37:07
Yeah, same same. And I kind of want to know your process of getting these ideas like of the Andro Fashion Show, or the other shows that you've toured with - what's the process look like of you getting those ideas, obviously, it's from those roadblocks or those things that you wanted to see, but really creating the events and building them to where you can tour across the country? I think sometimes I tried to do everything on my own, so do you have a team? People that you kind of connect with? What's that whole process look like?
Kia Barnes 37:40
I do my own graphics. I do my own promoting and production, sometimes videography. I've recently hired an assistant who redid my website, and helps me with scheduling a little bit, but for the longest it's just been me using my teacher brain. So I understand how to engage people and to meet them where they are. And I took that into my productions. And because I've always been a little bit like politically engaged and working with these organizations, just digging in with these organizations, staying pluged into communities, reaching out and very specifically asking what communities want to see, and then figuring out how I can give them what they want, as well as things that I may have been curious about. And also building it up around so many other people as well. You know, like, these artists, these big name artists, they don't need a feature, but it just helps to bring in other people as well, you know. So I just worked with, I try to work with all the LGBTQ artists who are hungry, and self motivated. And I don't know, I'm kind of maniacal with it. I'll get on a task, like literally I thought up things on the toilet, and since I make my own graphics, I do it on my phone, I'll come up with a color scheme and create the flyer in a couple hours. And I'm just sitting there on my phone texting people, 'Hey, do you want to do this? Hey, I saw on social media that you have this. What's this look like? What's your rate or whatever?' So like, really just, I don't do anything else. And so I work all the time, I'm always open to digging in on a task, and it's one of the blessings and curses of working for yourself. But I just, I want to get it done. That's all. I want to get it done.
Shay 39:39
Yeah, I love that because I've seen people where they're like, 'I don't want to do these little things.' And as a leader, you kind of have to be willing to do the things, all of the things. From the top to the bottom, whatever it looks like, little tasks, big tasks, however you would classify it. Was there ever a moment or a time in your life when you doubted yourself?
Kia Barnes 40:06
I cannot doubt myself because then I failed. And if I don't believe in myself, how can anybody else believe in? What does doubting myself look like? Going back to my mama's house and giving up? Going back into the classroom of whoever will hire me? I can't. I can't doubt myself. I can't think of even any time when things didn't specifically go my way, I use that as fire and motivation to come back even bigger and better. I don't even have a panic mode, it's more so like, backed into a corner, I'm gonna fight my way out. Like, no, I can't say that I have. I have had failures and it didn't even make me doubt myself, it just made me know, 'This microphone must have been messed up, these people probably have some swimmer's ear or something because I know what I know. So I'm gonna make it do what to do.' I can't, I can't, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I am my ancestors dreams. I cannot do it. I cannot do it. I think about the stories, I'm from Alabama, the stories my dad told me about helping desegregate the chemical plant that he worked at. Wr what I saw my mother go through as an administrator, or what I know my grandmother went through, like, nothing can stop this because I know what I came from. I know I'm built tough. And I know if they could overcome all of those things with what resources that I have and build me up to where I am today, I don't have anything to worry about. So no, I do not. I do not for real. Beast mode.
Shay 41:42
I almost wasn't going to ask you that question just because of what you had said thus far. But I thought I would get you and I didn't. I know you're unbreakable. And you know, as you were saying that, I'm like doubting yourself is kind of a luxury. Just the idea of doubting yourself it's like, 'Oh, congratulations, you have the luxury of doing that.' Whereas, you know, your ancestors did not.
Kia Barnes 42:07
Right.
Shay 42:07
They had to persevere.
Kia Barnes 42:10
Yeah. Right? Yeah, that's it. That's it. Yeah, it's a luxury. I'm happy you said that. I will say - 'Doubting yourself is a luxury.' I'm gonna say that to somebody and they're gonna be like - what? Get over yourself, ok?!
Shay 42:24
Right. So what is something you are doing these days to level up, to push yourself to get better at?
Kia Barnes 42:32
Well, I'm writing again, I'm hiring people on to help me because I think when you have my type of mindset, and that mindset is like, I have to accomplish these things and I'm not as emotional of a person because it's like, that's a luxury, I have time for that later. Sometimes it can cause conflicts and so that's made me jaded in working with people, because I'm not necessarily going to be the best person to help you work through your feelings. I'm trying to accomplish this goal. And we can get back to that later. So it made me jaded and not wanting to work with people for the longest. So at this point, now, I'm just getting comfortable hiring on another entertainer to help me host parties or to help me book comics or even hiring on this assistant to help me with my website that I have and pretty much managing on my own. So I'm helping myself and getting better by opening up to allow people to help me.
Shay 43:34
That's great. Yeah, thank you. Okay, last question. Before we answer this, though, how can we support you? Where can we find you online? @KiaComedy, of course. What are you up to? How can we support?
Kia Barnes 43:46
I have a comedy show every third Friday at MSR Lesbian Bar, aka My Sister's Room, the only lesbian bar in the southeast. I also host some pretty wild parties there every Friday called Fem Friday. I will be doing a show on April 14th, it's a drive in. I also will be working with Revry TV on a McDonald's promotion that should be out pretty soon. I'm just out and about, I have a comedy show in New Orleans for Fourth of July weekend. Really trying to get back out on the road and get back to actually being comfortable building up a tour. You can find me on social media at @KiaComedy. My website is www.kiabarnes.com
Shay 44:42
Awesome. Yes. Go support her. Look out for her shows, she may be coming to your city wherever you're at. Okay, last question. What advice would you give to someone who has a path they want to follow, like in the back of their mind they are like 'This is the path I want to follow,' but they keep getting told that that's not the way to go. How do they listen to themselves and continue on their path and persevere on that path? What advice would you give them?
Kia Barnes 45:12
You know, some people are wrong. And if they don't listen to themselves, they gone be wrong. I would say stay true to your passions and don't just do it for yourself. Consider the impact that you will make. Consider your impact, consider your impact and don't just do it for yourself. Go into the work centered in your purpose. And make sure that your purpose is positivity because there's enough negativity out there. Move in love. Do it in love. Do it with love, center it in love, don't hurt anybody. And you will be blessed from that.
Shay 46:05
Yes, so good. I feel like I needed to hear that. Sometimes when I'll post on social media or go out and perform, I'll be so focused on myself, like, 'Will people think I'm funny? Will this do well?' but I have, you know, switched a mindset into like, 'Somebody needs to see this. Somebody had to have a laugh, right? Somebody needs to be inspired. Somebody needs to see somebody who looks like me.' And so it takes a lot of pressure off and it again, it feels like I'm doing it through love and there's no pressure with that.
Kia Barnes 46:38
It's almost a ministry. We, as masculine presenting queer women, who are silenced, nobody hears from us, they don't even have us in porn, we're nowhere. We are writing our own history right now. Your jokes, your performances and we need to see us, we need to hear us, we need to know that it's possible. And aside from communicating with our own community, other people need to hear us. It really is, for lack of a better word, it is a ministry. We are doing the work just in sharing our stories. It makes people understand better. That it's not just 'Oh, she wears ball caps and plaid shirts.' It's so much more. Yes, that's all. That's all. So, kudos to you. Keep going. I want to see you on stage more. I am bound to be on stage more myself. Let's hit a room together soon.
Shay 47:36
Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you so much for doing this, again, and this was an awesome conversation and I'm sure will help a lot of people, truly. All right everybody, thank you for listening to Level Up! with Shay, we will talk to you next time.
Shay 47:53
(Outro) Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If anything that Kia said today resonated with you please share this episode on Instagram and tag me @levelupwithshay and tag Kia @KiaComedy. All of her social media links are in the show notes so go over there and show her some love and support. Subscribe to Level Up! with Shay wherever you get your podcasts. Again, thank you so much for being here. It's time to level up.
