Defining Your Own Success with Nicky Endres
“We have to hang on to every moment of joy and success that we have because that's what keeps us going. We can't afford to minimize ourselves and make ourselves small.”
In this week’s episode, I’m so excited to introduce you to Nicky Endres, an adopted Asian-American Non-Binary Transfeminine Queer actor, comic, voice artist, and audiobook narrator based in Los Angeles, CA. They can be seen in The Dropout on Hulu, NCIS: Los Angeles on CBA, One Day at a Time, Lucifer, and On the Verge on Netflix, Veneno on HBO Max, amongst many other credits. Nicky has also narrated and co-narrated multiple books including Lead Me Astray, The Boy with a Bird in His Chest, How to Money, and How You Get Famous all of which can be found on Audible. And has a stand up comedy special called American Asian Eye’zd on the Reel Women’s Network.
In this episode we talk about how Nicky sees their differences as a gift, the importance of telling our own stories, the wisdom they learned from studying martial arts, how success is a state of mind, and most importantly, Nicky shares with us their true hero, Xena Warrior Princess.
If you enjoy this episode, share it on Instagram and tag us (@levelupwithshay and Nicky @MxNickyE) on Instagram!
Thank you so much for being here. It’s time to level up.
Subscribe to Level Up! With Shay wherever you get your podcasts.
Nicky Endres’ Links
Website: http://nickyendres.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/MxNickyE/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MxNickyE
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MxNickyE
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2351110/
Level Up! With Shay Links
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/levelupwithshay/
Sign up for the Level Up! newsletter: https://bit.ly/luwsnewsletter
Follow Level Up! With Shay
Timestamps
2:33 - How Nicky learned to embrace their differences
7:23 - The importance of mental fortitude
12:15 - Reminding yourself that you belong
18:30 - Write your story as a self-fulling prophecy
26:46 - Spiritual homework
34:25 - How to turn your passion into your job
39:42 - Why Xena Warrior Princess is the greatest TV show ever made
46:27 - To be an artist, you must be your own CEO
55:26 - Nicky’s advice on finding who you are
Transcription
Shay 0:00
Hello and welcome to Level Up! With Shay. I’m so excited to introduce you to today’s guest, Nicky Endres.
Nicky is an adopted Asian-American Non-Binary Transfeminine Queer actor, comedian, voice artist, and audiobook narrator. They can be seen in The Dropout on Hulu, NCIS: Los Angeles on CBA, One Day at a Time, Lucifer, and On the Verge on Netflix, Veneno on HBO Max, amongst many other credits. Nicky has also narrated and co-narrated multiple books including Lead Me Astray, The Boy with a Bird in His Chest, How to Money, and How You Get Famous, all of which can be found on Audible. If you want to get a taste of their audiobook narration style, go to their website because they narrate their own bio! It’s really fascinating how many things they can do with their voice. Nicky has a stand-up special called Asian American Eye’zd which can be found on the Reel Women’s Network and features two other Asian American immigrants where they share their stories and struggles with identity, sexuality, and survival in Modern Day America.
In this episode we talk about how Nicky sees their differences as a gift, the importance of telling our own stories, the wisdom they learned from studying martial arts, how success is a state of mind, and Nicky shares with us their true hero, Xena Warrior Princess.
Please welcome to Level Up! With Shay, Nicky Endres.
Nicky Endres 1:48
Hello, thank you so much for having me.
Shay 1:50
Yes, of course, I'm so excited to learn more about your life, how you got to where you are today. You've done so many awesome things, just seeing on your social media on Facebook, on Instagram. I want to celebrate you in that way for doing so many awesome and different things that, you know, a lot of people just don't do, don't try to do. So, I'm excited to learn more about that.
Nicky Endres 1:57
Well, thank you for that. I gotta say with the social media, that is a conscious thing that I've been working on. So, it's fantastic to hear that my efforts have not been in vain. (laughs)
Shay 2:27
Yes, absolutely.
Nicky Endres 2:28
Like all things, right, you get better with practice, but sometimes it's just starting that's really hard.
Shay 2:33
Yeah. And finding yourself and who you are and who you want to show to the world. Yeah, it's a journey, for sure. And that's what we're gonna talk about today. I want to start in your childhood and get to know who Nikki was, is, how you became who you are today. You grew up in Wisconsin, you grew adopted, Asian American. And I know when I was researching you and learning more about you, I saw that you realized at a young age that you didn't really identify with the people around you. You found that you were different from them. I think about myself as a child, I felt like I was different in certain ways from the people around me. And you actually embraced this and embrace these differences, which I think is so cool, because I think even as little kids or growing up as adults, we take these differences and then we "other" ourselves. And so how did you identify that you were different? And how did you embrace that from the word go?
Nicky Endres 3:46
Oh, gosh, I am blessed with great parents really, I think is the short answer. Because for those who are just meeting me through this podcast today, my name is Nicky, my pronouns are they/them and she/her. I am an adopted Asian American, non-binary, trans, feminine, queer, polyamorous artist, actor, comic audiobook narrator, etc. The thing is, even at like three years old, when I kind of just knew I wasn't cis but didn't have the language for it, and didn't have the language to communicate queerness, the thing that everyone could see is that I'm Asian. And I'm adopted, my parents are white. I grew up in Wisconsin around a bunch of white people. And it was not an environment where it was like, "Oh, how wonderful it is to have international diverse representation. It's so cool that we are loving and including of everyone." It was, "Oh, well, we're not saying we have anything wrong with you. But you know you're different, right? You know you're weird? You know you're not normal, right?" It's almost those micro aggressions. It was just as hateful. You know what I mean? Because it wasn't coming from a place of inclusion and love, it was an "us vs. them" thing. So, I was very much aware, as far back as I can remember, that I was different. What I learned as I grew older was, I was different in almost every way imaginable, not on purpose. It's just who I am. But yeah, I would say that, because I had parents, my mom especially was a kindergarten teacher. She specialized in early childhood cognitive development and learning. She gave me the concepts and the language to basically as a five-year-old, give teaching moments to full grown adults, who would be like, "Oh, you're that little oriental child? Are you a real kid?" And it's like, "Okay, first of all, oriental is for objects, Asian is for people. And second of all adopted children are still real children and we have real families." But I was five. Why would you ever? I think it's unfair to put such a young, juvenile being in the position of defending their uniqueness, defending their right to exist. Especially to adults who minimize and dehumanize them, even if they're not doing it on purpose. By perpetuating harm and stereotypes and prejudice. All of that affects kids. Kids are little sponges and so, right away, I knew I was different. And my parents knew I was different, too. Now we're like, "Oh, it's kind of obvious. You were queer. It's obvious that you were trans." But nobody, in my growing up environment, had the language or had friends who were queer and out or trans or the non-binary. It's not that it didn't exist, it's that those people weren't out, it was not safe to be out. Or they were sick because I was born in the early 80s, you know what I mean? When I was a kid that was in the middle of the AIDS pandemic, so there was a lot of fear and hatred towards just queer people at that time. And I was growing up in a conservative area of the country. That was before the internet. It's not like I could just go seek refuge in drag race or something, you know what I mean?
Shay 4:52
Yeah.
Nicky Endres 4:57
It was before Will and Grace, before straight cis people welcomed queer humor into their homes. It's before all of that. Even though it was hard, and I endured othering, and alienation and bullying and everything, for as long as I can remember. Which I've since come to appreciate my otherness, and my queerness as a gift. I feel very lucky that I've been working on being able to use language and concepts and stories to define who I am since I was three. I didn't have the words to say I'm non-binary trans, I thought there was only one way to be trans until I was like 30. Until after Laverne Cox was already on Time did I discover that trans isn't just one thing, and trans itself isn't binary, doesn't have to be binary, I should say, some trans people are binary trans. It's ever evolving our language, even though the concepts are as old as humanity. Trans people, non-binary people, third gender people, fourth, fifth, sixth gender people have been cross-culturally present throughout the eons of humanity. But, again, they might have certain words or terms or societal structure carved out for them in those cultures over time. But in 21st century American culture, it's a different landscape and we've largely been erased. All of this is a very long-winded way to say how thankful I am that my parents taught me before I learned martial arts, learn how to stand up for myself physically. I was taught to have mental fortitude, in being able to know that I am loved and that I belong, even if other people don't understand me. Even if I don't have the words to help people understand me, not that it is my responsibility. I feel like that's something that I've taken into my career as an artist is that regardless, as if it's fair, that I should hold the burden and emotional labor of helping people be nice to me. I view it as it's not just about me, it's about helping educate and teach people how expansive inclusive thinking and an open heart is good for everyone. It's not just people who are marginalized. I mean, we are the most vulnerable to the lack of that. It's the most refreshing experience when we encounter the embracing of that. I'd like to think of, I forget who said it best, but, "It's not that there's such thing as normal, just that things are common." And I think that when there's strength in numbers, when you belong to a group that is common, that has a majority, that's very low risk, if you conform, that's a safe place to be. It's very hard to imagine leaving it or leaving it voluntarily. The people only leave it voluntarily when it's really an existential life or death situation. My happiness, my ability to live and thrive vs. kill myself or my child. Until it hits home really personally for people, a lot of people just don't even make time or space for it. And I think that that's too bad. Because it's not just about me, it's not just about them, it's about humanity, and the way that we want our entire species to move forward into the future. Also, just the matter of being adopted. I was wanted, even though I surprised my parents, right. They were like, "Uh, we don't know what to do with this child. We love this child, we're gonna just do our best and hope for the best." Which I think every parent has to deal with.
Shay 11:10
Yeah.
Nicky Endres 11:10
I think I really benefited from a sense of education and justice that my parents instilled in me. And it definitely gave me survival skills and tactics. And I feel like finally, after decades of working through that trauma, really, as an adult and as an as an artist, and at this point in my career, I think that I've healed from enough of it that I can be more generous and less self-protect-ey. And I can put more out into the world and connect with more people, just with a more generous spirit. So, I'm happy to be on that leg of my life journey right now.
Shay 11:48
Yes, thank you for sharing that. I relate to a lot of that. And one thing being language is very important. And we say different in this context with the quotes around it "different" because it's not that we're necessarily different. It's like you said, "we aren't common". It's not like we're not normal, we're not common with our surroundings. I wasn't common in my little town of 600.
Nicky Endres 12:14
Oof.
Shay 12:15
Right, right, technically a village, but in Atlanta, right now, I'm more common. And with the whole generosity thing, I think over the past couple of years, I've also come to that point of being more generous and not being as self-protective. And maybe a lot of that is with my family, who maybe I feel unintentionally hurt me in some ways. And so I would lash out, but now I realize, "Oh, I can be more generous with who I am." And kind of heal from that trauma. I think that's probably where it comes from. But you mentioned something about belonging, and you realized that you belonged in your family, in this world in general and I kind of want to move towards that. Because sometimes I'll walk into a room and I'll feel like, "Oh, do I belong here?" You know? If I'm not common in that area, I kind of question, "Do I belong here? How do I fit in here?" I want to know, from your perspective, have you ever felt that way walking into a room or getting in some type of community or group where you had to really remind yourself that you belong?
Nicky Endres 13:31
Oh, every time I pee. Every time I use the bathroom.
Shay 13:32
Oh my gosh. Yes.
Nicky Endres 13:36
I have to be like, "I belong." And the thing is I'm very lucky, because I'm cis passing. I don't even identify as binary trans. But it's the privilege that my culture, regardless of my identity, reads me as a cis woman, that I can use a bathroom, and nobody gives me shit. I've gotten shit when I use the men's bathroom.
Shay 15:06
Yeah.
Nicky Endres 14:02
That's before I fully transitioned, I was in flux. And that was very hard. Because there was no right choice at that point in time. So, I just want to recognize that these days, I have that kind of privilege. But that doesn't change a lifetime of other things. So, every time I just take a deep breath. I'm like, "I belong here. I'm in Los Angeles. It should be okay for me here." But, yeah, every time I pee. But then it happened all the time, every time growing up too being the only Asian person and then because I'm adopted, I grew up with white people. Now, in LA, is full of other Asian Americans, no less. And it's still that, "Oh, well, do I belong now?" I mean, they all speak six different languages and have grandparents in different countries, but it's the reminder. But that's the beauty of difference and variety, though. I mean, am I just perpetuating my own internalized idea that Asian is a monolithic thing and all Asian Americans are the same. We are so diverse. And so yeah, it's a daily reminder. And the thing that I want to bring up, though, is that I think that should be a daily reminder for everybody. It's just that because I look the way I am, and because my identity is the way I am, I don't get a break from it. I don't ever get to just zone out and be like, "Oh, well, maybe I don't have to think about this today." I think that if we could transmute that from an anxiety thing of, "Do I belong? Am I safe?" To a point where, "How can I make everyone know that they belong and are safe?" Right? So, it's not even about me, it's about what I can contribute to an environment, a room, a company, organization. Its leadership. It's that emotional leadership and because I really do think that with diversity, equity, and inclusion, DEI, leadership is more than just at the top some CEO saying, "Okay, we got to do this now." It's at every level, every person voluntarily makes it a priority, because it's the right thing to do. But also, because it's actively undoing the bad shit, the exclusionary shit, the oppressive shit. It's like how we say, "It's not enough to just not be racist, we have to be anti-racist." But the thing is, because I've embraced that as a mission and a vision and the values for my own self. I don't want a day off anymore because I've chosen to rise to the occasion and be an emotional leader. And yes, it's onerous to have teaching moments. Yes. But I've lived with it my whole life since I was three years old. Maybe this is just my destiny in life, and I'm choosing to love it and embrace it instead of fight it.
Shay 16:47
Yeah, and it's so interesting how we also have to question ourselves. Like you said with, "Okay, being Asian isn't just this one type of Asian". That is so stereotypical that we have to work to fight those stereotypes as well, which is so interesting. And you talk about storytelling and telling your own story. You love storytelling, just in general. I want to know more about that. I feel like this life is a canvas in a way, right? We get to paint the canvas of our life, we get to tell our own story, write our own story. So how do you find yourself telling your own story? And also, I think we can get in this habitual way, or thought patterns, of waking up every day and just being reminded of our past and then just perpetuating that into our future. If that makes sense.
Nicky Endres 16:47
Yeah, my therapist would say it's because the things that feel familiar, feel safe and right, even if they're not. So that's why history repeats itself.
Shay 17:56
Yes. And we can do that, as artists, if we want to really build something and become this person who we admire, become like these other people that we admire. Sometimes it can be hard to break out of those patterns. But if we can understand how to write our own story day in and day out, and keep pushing that envelope, then we can wake up each day, and have a blank piece of paper to tell our story. So, how do you tell your story and keep pushing the envelope and keep it going?
Nicky Endres 18:30
Yeah, that's a good question. I guess, as an artist, and especially as an actor, stories are so important to me because they're who we are. Even the word history is story, the story told by the people who won the power game, the game of thrones. But stories are such a rich, multi-dimensional way to focus on specific, oftentimes very complex things, that we experience as human beings that need to be contextualized or given dynamics to bring out certain features because talking about a thing directly is often too overwhelming, or too confusing, or it's just contradictory. There's no right or good, perfect way to see it. I think story has helped give us context and texture. And so, when it comes to one's personal story, we don't know the future and we can't all just graduate therapy in one session. So, when it comes to writing our own stories, I think a lot of it has to do with kind of radical acceptance. I guess a little bit on purpose, a little bit finding it by accident or through other people that I respect and trust, a lot of Eastern philosophy, Buddhist and Zen philosophy and Taoism. Well, even the AA prayer, right? it's the wisdom of knowing what is in one's direct control and what are things that are not and letting go of the need to control. And I would even say the need to dominate, the need to be right, letting go of the egoic things that center my own self-protection, psychological self-protection, above everyone else's own need to self-protect. I think there's a way where we can all protect each other. And there's no one right way. But for me, right now, what I would say in writing one's own story is think about it as a self-fulfilling prophecy that without knowing the future, controlling the future, we can still prepare for the best-case scenario. I do believe in self-fulfilling prophecies. I think that we set ourselves up to experience the world in a certain way. It's not magic, it's psychology. If I am more interested, and the thing is, it's genuine interest. I mean you can fake it up for a little bit, because I think neurologically just to get in the habit, just doing the thing gets us there. But just by assuming radical overconfidence, assuming, "I'll figure it out", assuming, "I'll be okay because I trust that I'm smart and capable and I can ask for help. No matter how hard life is, no matter how much my culture tells me that I'm not worthy, I can resist, I can make friends, I can find support, I'm not alone." Reminding and telling ourselves these things and then doing them fundamentally helps us carry on into the future, even in dark times, especially in dark times. But also, it can be very simple. It's like making a mission, vision, values for your own self. You're the CEO of your own life, right? I'm an entertainer, so I think about my branding, but for me, brand is values. It's the values that I talk about publicly as opposed to any of the ones I keep privately. And again, because I'm me, and I'm used to airing out all of my personal information to strangers at the grocery store. This is just my life. For some people, they might keep their orientation more close to the vest. Maybe they're not in a safe place to be out, no shade, you got to take care of yourself. But for me, I think about the future. It's not even what I want to be someday. It's, "Who am I today? And how do I want to contribute to the world today, so that I can enjoy that in the future?" So if I want a future, with more emotional literacy, more emotional dexterity, and more open mindedness, open heartedness, then that's what I want to be today. And I'm not perfect, maybe I'll never be perfect, maybe I'll never be any of those things. I'm kind of a naturally egoic self-involved selfish person. And I can say that because I've made peace with that. But, also, now I feel like I can behave differently, I can change that. What I say for myself is, "Prepare for the best-case scenario." Now, if I want to be a number one on a call sheet, I don't wait to act like a number one on a call sheet. I do today, things that are number one on the call sheet does. And for those of you not in Hollywood, when you work on a television show or a movie, the number one on the call sheet, is usually the lead. They're the person who carries the show. And what some people outside the industry might not know is the contracts are so big, and oftentimes people get paid a lot of money. It's not just the marketing and the selling of the product at the end result. It is the day-to-day emotional captaining of the ship. That is the 12 to 16 hour day that everybody shows up to do for weeks, for months at a time, sometimes on location away from their families. The film and television industry can be really hard, just physically exhausting. Even though a lot of us love it. A lot of us would love a little bit more human hours.
Shay 24:07
(laughs)
Nicky Endres 24:09
The thing is, it's a huge responsibility to be an emotional leader. It's something I admire. I've worked with a few who are really just fantastic. On One Day at a Time, Justina Machado is a great example of a great number one on a team. She just showed up for work every day with gusto and love and humor and just a spirit of having fun and collaboration with the deep understanding that what we're doing is important. And the showrunners too, Gloria and Mike, on that show. It's that kind of emotional leadership. And I'm like, "You know what, I can be a number 47 on a call sheet. I could show up for one day and make a lovely monologue and then disappear and never be seen in six seasons again, but I still want to show up to that set bringing the best of my talent, the best of my preparation and the joy of working with other artists." And it's genuine, this is my life, this is what I've chosen to do. It's what brings me happiness. And hopefully someday I'll have a show and continue to do what I've already been doing. And it won't feel foreign, because I've prepared myself for that kind of work.
Shay 25:20
I love it. Yes, I love all of that, from the wisdom that you were talking about. Two sides of the coin: be very complex, be very simple. And then the emotional leadership, we first have to be our own emotional leader. That's how you impact others is you start with yourself. And it's funny that you said, you don't necessarily ask yourself, "who do I want to be?" but you ask yourself, "who do I want to be today?". And I woke up this morning with the thought, with the question in my head. Recently, I've been pretty stressed, and have had some issues with that, have gone to therapy, and I'm doing better now. But I realized I had so many to do's, I had so many to do's, so many goals, so many things on my list that I needed to check off every day. And I realized that it is more of a flow, I want to be in more of a flow with my work. I know I'm going to get everything done that I need to get done. It doesn't have to be so stringent. And asking myself, waking up and literally thinking of that question of asking myself, "Who do I want to be today?" So, it's kind of wild that you brought that exact question up, because that's what I woke up in my head with this morning. And I feel like when I asked myself that question, my intuition automatically tells me what I need to do next.
Nicky Endres 26:46
Yeah, I call it my spiritual homework. I'm not a religious person. But I do think that, for lack of a better term, when I find that I'm actively working on a goal, or on an idea, I find that I'm just really good at incorporating that into my daily life. That's how I make sense of the world, I guess. To me, it's second nature, but I offer this to anyone else who wants to try it. Maybe it's your nature, too. So yeah, it's not even like, "Oh, someday I want my own show?" And then I work backwards. Oh so, "Was that mean?" It's like, "Oh, I'm gonna have to do something." Because that's all overwhelming. I have anxiety. That's the wrong way for me to go about it. But if I think about it, "Okay, I want to work on my leadership skills." Great, then all the opportunities that show up that say, "Oh, Nicky, would you come give this talk? Oh, Nikki, would you join our board? Oh, Nicky, would you do that?" Those are all things that I'm like, "Oh, yes, yes, yes." And if there are other things that are not leadership related, then those get prioritized in a different way. Similarly, it's like, "Well, do I want to just be a leader because I want to be a politician? Or do I want to be a leader because I'm an artist?" Prioritize based on those things. And that gives me more momentum. So, it's not about doing the goals, right? Booking this gig, reading this book, doing this thing, networking this event. It becomes more flowy. Because my goal isn't external, its internal. It's, "Am I working on my leadership style? Am I working on my openness today? Am I working on my flexibility today?" All of those self-improvement things. And I find that if you can be gentle and generous with yourself too. It's a martial arts idea that there's no such thing as perfect, but you do everything as perfectly as possible, because settling for less than 100% effort means that you're not being efficient about your training so it's a waste of your time. And also, it's the principle of the thing. One of my instructors would say, "Practice doesn't make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect." But then also the bamboo sword hitting you at the kneecap is, "and there's no such thing as perfect." But the idea of perfection exists. And now we're going back to like Plato, right? Because to have that ideal is something to conceptualize everything else leading up to it that we have to work toward. Similarly, a martial arts thing that I really hold dear is the idea of humility. Within the context I'm speaking, humility isn't just, "Oh, not being too self-involved and an asshole." It is really the simplicity of knowing where you're at. So, we have a belt system in most martial arts. And it's not a value judgment. It's not like, "Oh, black belt is better than white belt." It's that these belts are designed to help people along the curriculum, know what they're working on. The Black Belt is still working on the very basic front kick that is the first lesson that the white belt learns as they're kicking drill. But they're working on different things within that basic front kick, right? So, the White Belt might just be trying to work on balance. How do I stand on one leg and move the other leg? The Black Belt might be working on fine tuning, targeting with just that perfect part of the ball of their foot and with speed or something, you know what I mean? You're always improving. There's no such thing as an end result. We're just always trying to be better than we were yesterday. And it's not a value judgment, because yesterday was bad. It's just a measure of progress. How much are we working towards something? Because I really think it's not a matter of laziness. I don't buy that people are lazy. I don't think that at all. I think that is something people in power like to perpetuate as a myth to dehumanize and devalue people who maybe don't have the access that they do. I think that when our bodies are exhausted, we need to listen to them. When we need water, when we need food, when we need sleep, when we need a mental break to check out, we need to do those things. Conversely, I think that we can't seek shelter and respite anywhere for too long. It's because it becomes an addictive thing, right? Where I don't really need to zone out, I don't really need to scroll through Instagram, but the pleasure centers of my brain have been hijacked, and they keep on going. So it's that self-awareness, right?
Shay 31:05
Yeah.
Nicky Endres 31:05
I think that humans don't like, this is my opinion, I'm not a scientist, I think that humans actually like to be, quote, "busy". Now I don't mean running around to jobs, or childcare or extracurricular activities. I mean, mentally occupied. I think that people want to be employed, not just to make a living, but they want to feel like their day-to-day existence is contributing to something that they believe in, or something that is important. You know what I mean? And I think that's why a lot of people, even though we kind of all need jobs to survive, in our economy, there is pickiness. And I think, rightly so. Is this vocation using skills that I like to execute? Is this helping me grow as a person? Is this exposing me to things that interests me on a daily basis? I think it's also a myth that, "Oh, if you love what you do, you never work a day in your life." That's bullshit. I love what I do, and I work all the time. Thing is, I feel like it's worth it. I'm getting more than a paycheck for my work. Oftentimes, honestly, as an artist, you're not making any money. I mean, I need the paycheck. Yes, please, thank you. But in addition to that, I'm growing as a person in a way that I would do whether or not I was being given a paycheck. And again, in the case of being an artist, oftentimes, that's all you're doing. So, I would encourage everyone to think about that. What are you good at? And what do you love? And then, is there any way to make money off of anything remotely related to those things? Remotely, remotely. Let's say you like games, you don't have to be a video game designer or a board game designer. What if you just like puzzles? What if being a solution or a consultant for something else that you're good at or working in marketing. Helping people, being a casting director helps solve puzzles. Think about the ways that your brain is engaged with these other things. I think that there's a wealth of things that people can find that they enjoy, and that they're passionate about, if they're just really honest with themselves about what they like and are a little creative about the way they interpret that.
Shay 33:26
Yeah, I think it's getting more widespread that we can actually take things that we like, and make money off of them. It used to be an idea of like, "You can't make money off of that." I've heard the example of somebody made an online class on how to make cupcakes, and they make 1000s of dollars off of that just because of the internet. That is actually a possibility now.
Nicky Endres 33:55
Yeah, and to that point, sometimes, like in my case, you go into it thinking, "Oh, I want to be an artist. I want to study literature and theatre, and I want to tell stories." And then you figure out, "Oh, but this is a lot of taxes. This is a lot of economics. This is a lot of marketing. This is a lot of business. This is a lot of CEO startup shit that I have zero interest or passion in, but I have to do because I can't afford someone else to do it."
Shay 34:24
Yes.
Nicky Endres 34:25
Similarly, you might love making cupcakes. Do you love teaching? Do you love marketing? Do you love hyping food? Do you love networking with other food lovers and sweet lovers and dessert lovers? All of that enters the picture, right? So, my advice there is also be open. Don't be too narrowly focused on the thing that you love. Because quite frankly, if you know that you are loving something, enough, all the other shit that you do not love that's going to be required for you to do the thing that you do. It's going to feel worth it. It's a lot of work and it's exhausting, but it's aimed at a more beautiful end. And if you're doing it for yourself vs. just some company that's benefiting off of all of that, then that's why I'm an independent worker. But there's tradeoffs. Less security. I don't imagine my future having certain things. I want to reframe that those things are less important to me. Having a nice car, or living in a big house, or in just a certain zip code, or even having kids. All of those things, if those are things that you love, if being a parent or being able to host things for your friends, maybe you want a space to do that, if those are all important to you, you're going to find a way to work those in to what you choose to do with the rest of your life. My parents wanted to be parents. So, my dad jumped around between, oh, gosh, seven different jobs growing up through wildly different industries. Because as much of a problem solver as he is, he got that out of going to work, his number one was raising a family, putting his kids through school. So, for him, some of those jobs he liked more than others. But ultimately, they were feeding that goal. For me, I'm an artist. I want a career of storytelling and working with amazing, talented people. And you know what, I don't like kids. That's hundreds of 1000s of dollars that I'm saving, that I don't have to begin with. Because I'm pursuing this other thing. But the thing is, I have friends who want families, they want to raise kids, they want to do these things. But the life that they're living as an artist has not supported that. So, at a certain time, they kind of retire or they shift careers. They don't give up acting, but they go into a different way. Maybe they manage a theater, or they teach, or they become an agent or something. Why I bring this up is don't think about changing as giving up. Think about it as prioritizing. And when we're talking about leveling up, sometimes leveling up, means the horizontal move, because it's all about what you're building towards. For what it's worth.
Shay 37:22
Yeah, I agree. And that is why on my logo, if you go and look at my logo, it's an arrow, but it goes up, and then to the side, and then up into the side. And it's because it's not straight diagonal up. And then you see those like maps of success. It's how you think success is like start to finish and it's a horizontal line. But actually, it's all of these circles.
Nicky Endres 37:47
And looptey-loops.
Shay 37:50
Yeah, and it's different paths. It's, like we mentioned at the beginning, a journey.
Nicky Endres 37:54
And it's a state of mind, isn't it?
Shay 37:57
Yes.
Nicky Endres 37:57
Success is a state of mind. I think that even though I talked about humility earlier about knowing where you're at, I think that also includes wins. We got to focus on the good shit. And it's not like, "Oh, the failures don't mean anything." The failures turn into educational moments. Learn something from this, and the wins, no matter how small no matter how small. "Oh, someone I'm a really big fan of watched my special. Didn't say anything about it, didn't tweet, it didn't contact me. But I saw them at the screening." That's a win. Like no matter how small it is, if it brings you joy, and if it aligns with your values and your ultimate goals, celebrate it. Shamelessly. We have to hang on to every moment of joy and success that we have because that's what keeps us going. We can't afford to minimize ourselves and make ourselves small.
Shay 38:48
I love that. I love it so much. I have a couple more questions. But before I ask those last questions, I know how much you love Xena Warrior Princess. You have, I don't know what to call it.
Nicky Endres 39:01
Chakram.
Shay 39:02
Chakram. In your background on the video. I want you to share with us why Xena Warrior Princess has made such an impact in your life. I'm sure there's a story behind Xena and something that maybe you've adopted a little bit of so please share Xena Warrior Princess with us.
Nicky Endres 39:26
Oh, gosh. This could be a week-long seminar, Shay. Okay, so I said I'm a non-religious person. So, no shade, I do not mean to blaspheme for those of you who love Jesus, but Xena is my Jesus. Okay.
Shay 39:41
(laughs)
Nicky Endres 39:41
So, Xena Warrior Princess is a syndicated television show. You can see it somewhere, I think Syfy maybe runs reruns now and then. It's an action drama that's very self-aware and it has this wonderful blend of genuine, serious drama and camp that's self-aware of its genre, background. It comes from a Kung Fu and horror movie. The creators have love in those genres. So, you get all of that. And there's lots of homage as to classic films and tropes. It was very 90s I'm in love with it, it got me a few times. And Xena was ahead of our time. This show existed at a time where we didn't have gay people on television. And Xena and Gabrielle, who are bi, canonically, everything was subtext. So, it was one of the only queer shows on television that said nothing about being queer because they couldn't. They would have longing looks and, to be fair, it's like Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor, the leads in this show, they were not aiming, "Oh, these characters are lovers." I mean, the writers knew what they were doing. But the subtext line was so perfectly walked, and that it was so subtle, that if you were queer - obvious! But if you're a network executive - right over your head. I think that with the internet and awareness, one queer people on TV these days, the subtext by today's standards, it's something so uniquely 90s. So, it encapsulates sort of my teenage years. So, Xena was a little ahead of our time, not only just the television show itself for existing, but also the character of Xena was very feminist in this sense that anything a man can do, a woman can do. But it's what also gave us that extra boost of "a woman can do better". Xena was the character that all the straight men wanted. All the queer women and straight women wanted and or wanted to be, and she always won. It's like those good old-fashioned, before we had the antihero. Well, she was sort of an antihero. She was a Dark Hero. But before we had rooting for like Walter White, the bad guy to maybe succeed in his evil plan. We had good old-fashioned heroes that okay, "Xena has been blinded, and Gabrielle has been kidnapped. How is she going to get out of this out?" We know she's going to get out of it by the end of the episode. That was part of the adventure, that procedural, "We always know the order of things that are going to happen." Which was very satisfying for me as a troubled teen. Just knowing that for one 55-minute episode, every Saturday, for 22 weeks out of the year, I would have an adventure where the queer woman was going to kick ass and always win. It was just so important to me, and I didn't internalize it that way at the time, but it was one of the things. But then also, the evolution of Xena. She originated as a villain. It's a redemption story. I loved it just as someone who was dealing with, now I know I have anxiety. So, I'll just say it I didn't know I had anxiety back then. But I'm dealing with that. But I'd say anyone dealing with addiction, or someone who is a survivor of any kind of abuse, that the idea of moving from the darkness to the light, but Xena never got rid of her dark side. She just claimed ownership over her good side, right. But with the internal world of Xena, it's not oversimplified. And that's what's so cool. We find her in melodramatic moments where she's fighting the King of Hell. Okay, bad guy, right. But Xena as a character is a mixture of, quite frankly a talented warrior who loves and is good at killing people and a noble hero with noble ideals of equality and fairness and justice. Who wants to be a champion for those who can't stand up for themselves or lack her physical prowess to be able to stand against those who would kill them and enslave them. So, it's this mixture, right? And I even did an episode about this in the fifth season called Chakram, where we learned the origins of the Chakram. And anyway, I won't explain the whole plot, but there's this great line where Gabrielle, her best friend, girlfriend, wife, she's saying, Xena's dark side, she was always kind of afraid of because Gabrielle is like the good-ish character. But after all these years of traveling and all the adventures that they've had, together, she's come to learn that it's an integral part of her. And the darkness is what makes her light so strong, and that she needs both sides to be the best that she can be. And I just love that whether you have an addiction, or you're told that you're not enough or you're a survivor. I feel like embracing the darkness and then transmuting that into a positive thing is a story that can resonate with everyone. Quite frankly, it moves me you. It's a really cool exploration of where the line is between good and bad and how many good deeds do we have to do to make up for all the bad that we've done in the past. Is simply being on the path now enough? For Gabrielle, that was enough. She believed the moment she met Xena, she believed that Xena was good, and that Xena had changed that Xena is a hero for the millennia. But Xena always doubted herself and in the fourth season they go to India, they get the spiritual awakening, and she realizes is that okay, the Way of the Warrior is her way and that yes, maybe she fights and maybe she kills people, but that's ultimately for the greater good.
Shay 45:43
I love that. And just how much good do we have to do to erase the bad? That hits hard just because I feel like I've dealt with a lot of doubt, insecurity or not good enough at this thing or whatever. And it also reminds me, Gabrielle, you need to have that friend who sees the good in you no matter what.
Nicky Endres 46:09
Unconditional positive regard.
Shay 46:11
Yeah, unconditional. I love that. So, thank you for sharing Xena with us. I'll be waiting for that PowerPoint. Put on a workshop or something. Okay, couple more questions. First one, what is something you've been doing lately to level up?
Nicky Endres 46:27
Oh, what is something I've been doing? Well, my entire Q1. 2022 is the very first year that I am a full-time artist. Any of my other side gigs or whatever, other than on camera acting or voiceover, audiobooks, it's all art or directly related to "my brand" as artists, I should say. So, yeah, the whole Q1 was just exhausting. I was starting up my audiobook business, I was updating my marketing across the board. So, website, headshots, which also then includes resume, IMDb, all the casting sites that my agent manager uses, a castability sheet from agent managers to be in sync about the next step for my career. Then a lot of social media and press and starting a newsletter and substack. It's a newsletter/blog. That's the way that I publish all of my news and stuff, because I didn't want to host my own blog on my website. I did everything by myself. I mean, I paid for the photos to be taken, but I retouched everything. I'm the one that makes them into online assets. I built the website, I mean, I didn't code it, I use Avada. Shout out to Avada. You are an amazing WordPress theme. Y'all, it has not risen in price for as long as I've had it, which has been like 10 years. Okay, give me a little something Avada because I'm advertising for you. I highly recommend it, y'all. I have built websites before for my day job, but I'm not a coder. So, if you are at all interested in website building, but don't know code, mwah. It's perfect solution for you. And it's so rich in terms of your options. So, I'm very proud. I worked really hard on my website. I was working on demos for my audio book narration, which thankfully was part of the Penguin Random House mentorship program that I'm a part of that I'm so thankful for. Penguin Random House is one of those companies that's really committed to DEI and has programs to help promote and catch-up people who have historically been marginalized or left behind to just get us into the marketplace to work. Because it's an economy, technically, "compete", but I want to reframe that and that it's not, "we're competing in capitalism", but to participate at all in getting jobs. And guess what, the jobs that I'm getting, I'm not "taking them away" from anyone, okay? If you want a non-binary trans person to talk about drag, oh, geez, that straight white guy is not gonna be able to talk about black queens in Brooklyn. Anyway, the thing is Q1 was, phew. The thing people don't tell you, when you say, "I want to be an artist, I want to be an actor, I want to be whatever", is that what they mean is you have to learn how to be a CEO. And I feel like getting my values and my branding and all that, I just needed that in order to do the rest to make sure everything was in line. I chose colors for strategic reasons. Okay. And I'm an artist, so that was fun for me. But some people, that's not their thing. So, I just want to put it out there. Being an artist is hard work. It is not frivolous. And if anything, I'm a jack of all trades. I'm a clever little fox. I may not be the best at any one thing. But if you average out everything, except for sports, I can do okay. I just think we're entering an age where we kind of owe it to ourselves to try doing everything ourselves. Just give it a try, just to see, do you discover something that you like, or that you're good at that you didn't know of? Or have you discovered things that are absolutely could not pay me enough to do this job, all of that is information for you to level up in whatever other areas of your life that you want. There's no such thing as a job experience that is a waste of time. We're always learning about ourselves and how we are professionally, or how we need to change professionally, sometimes. Foot in Mouth, Nicky. It's that growth mindset and it's, again, recognizing those mistakes as, "Okay, well, this is information, I can detach the shame part of it, and try to use this to be constructive and build and not get so wrapped up." And as a recovering perfectionist. For all any of y'all listening who are so overwhelmed, you don't even know where to get started. What really helps me is the law of inertia. One step. One step is all it takes. And then the next step is a little easier. And the step after that is a little easier. And I know that sounds trite. At the beginning of Q1, I'm just like, "Oh, my gosh, okay, I have no day job. I'm starting audiobooks, I have to get a mic. I have to get equipment, I have to redo my website...you know what? Why don't I just try reading this pamphlet I got in the mail that I would otherwise throw away? Why don't I try reading that aloud? Just try it?" And it's like, "Oh, well, how does that get from A to B?" It's the mindset. You're reprogramming your mind to think about other things as important. So, if narrating, and my falling in love with that art form, is more important than my intimidation of microphone shopping. Then I'll do the microphone shopping and talk to tech people who know what they're talking about and do my research in order to do the thing that I love. And guess what? You'll be surprised by asking for help, sometimes it goes way smoother. My anxiety over finding the right mic that was in my price range that could do all this and that, an audio engineer who's part of a program that I'm a part of just recognized me. He's like, "Oh, you should get this one." I'm like, "Why?", and he's like, "Well, you're trans you use ranges between baritone and alto, I think my knowledge and love for this mic is going to pick up those frequencies really well. And you've got a warmth to your voice and it brings out warmth. So that's why I recommend that to you." And I'm like, "Okay, so I was agonizing over this for two months trying to save up the money to buy a microphone. And in one meeting, you gave me a pitch, checked it out, found it on sale." He even gave me a link. He's like, "Oh, order from these people. I trust these people. And this one's on sale." I got it. There are ways. Because you share the love. When you share the love, people want to help you out. You know what I mean?
Shay 53:12
Yes, I totally understand, knowing everything. Having my own podcast, I have an email list. So many things go on behind the scenes, so many things that I've learned. And yeah, then I can recognize, "Okay, I actually enjoy learning all of this stuff." Because it gives back, it allows me to do better at what I really love even more. And that is connecting with people, helping share people's stories, helping people level up and take action. It's those little things that sometimes we hold ourselves back from not learning them, because we're like, "That's not us." Or we're not interested in that specifically, we just want to act. And it's so much more than that. And then when you feel overwhelmed, yes, ask for help. Ask for help. I love that. Because there are so many people out there that are willing to help. And we just don't know until we ask. So, thank you for that. I love Q1. Congratulations on being a full-time artists. That's so exciting. So how can we see all of that? Where can we find you on social media? And how can we support you?
Nicky Endres 54:31
Oh, thanks. Yeah, just follow, like, repost recommend. I'm mostly on Instagram. My handle is @MxNickyE. You can also just go to my website, nickyendres.com, and I link everything. Because this is one of those things, I want to be easy to find. I want to be easily discoverable. I want everything to be clear and fun and friendly. Please check me out if you want. I welcome you into my little community that I'm building.
Shay 55:08
Awesome. Awesome. Thank you. Well, one more question. What is one piece of advice you would give someone who wants to solidify who they are? Wants to know who they are? And be that person today?
Nicky Endres 55:22
That's a big question, Shay.
Shay 55:25
(laughs) Made for you.
Nicky Endres 55:26
Yeah, got a lot of opinions on that. Given what we talked about earlier, it's that who we are is never just one thing. And it's a journey. I guess what I can offer from my personal experience is that you don't need words. Words are helpful, not gonna lie. So, if you find words that help, use them, but they can change. Labels are not for everyone. Sometimes labels help us make sense of things, the world, ourselves, etc. And sometimes they restrict us and isolate us. It's up to you to use or not use, which, if any, labels are right for you. Just because you don't have any that fit, yet, doesn't mean that you're any less, it doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be understood and embraced. I understand it's frustrating, though, in that in-between space, because language helps reinforce reality, right? Words provide meaning for ideas. And sometimes when we just have the idea, it's hard to convey the meaning to someone else. So, trust yourself, love yourself, be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, it's a journey. It took me over half my life to find the words to describe myself. And that gave me a lot of solid ground on which to stand. But you know what, if you ever find words to describe yourself and choose to use them, all of that liminal space, internally that you're experiencing, is actually all the foundation upon which those words are just symbols. They're just helpers to help showcase who you are to someone else or help someone else understand you. They're just symbols. The you work is the internal work that you do without them. So don't fret, you are right where you need to be today. And be kind to yourself, you'll find it. I think we're supposed to be finding these things as humans, I don't think we're supposed to wander, not knowing who we are. It's part of our experience but have faith that you'll come to yourself. We all do.
Shay 57:41
Yes, I love that. Thank you. And that was a big question. I agree. I do also want to expand on that, because I know we're both queer. And so, we come from that experience. And sometimes we talk about those identities, the queer identities, but also, we're talking to artists out there. And so, I think a lot of people can put labels on us as artists, as a comedian. I'll say, "I'm a comedian", and people will say, "Tell me a joke." And I'm like, "Okay, no, I like to make people laugh", then I'll try to explain myself. Or try to figure out, "Wait, what am I? What type of comedian am I?" There are all of these labels and, like you said, the labels can be helpful. But if we can also go in and find what we love, like I said, I enjoy making people laugh. So, I can do that through many different ways. It doesn't have to be just acting or just making funny videos. I just wanted to make that point too. Because I know, with myself being labeled a comedian or podcaster, I was even scared of like, "Okay, getting into podcasting...well I'm still a comedian. I don't want people to think that I left comedy." And now I'm just podcasting. So yeah, like you said, be easy with ourselves.
Nicky Endres 59:05
Yeah. Our story is always one that's being written and unfolding. There's no finishing line so we have to be happy with where we're at.
Shay 59:15
Yes, totally. Well, Nicky, thank you so much for being here for, sharing your story, for sharing your wisdom. I'm sure a lot of people enjoyed it listening as well. So, thank you for being here.
Nicky Endres 59:28
I hope so. (laughs)
Shay 59:29
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, thank you everyone for listening to Level Up! With Shay. We will see you next week.
Nicky Endres 59:37
Cheers.
Shay 59:38
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If anything that Nicky said today resonated with you please go on Instagram, share this episode, and tag me @levelupwithshay and tag Nicky. You can find Nicky through their beautiful website, social media, subscribe to their substack for updates, and all of the links to those are in the show notes. Subscribe to Level Up! With Shay wherever you get your podcasts. Again, thank you so much for being here. It's time to level up.
